Friday, 13 April 2012


I've been looking at an empty page for the past half an hour or so and I really have no clue how to start this, so let's sum up the evening.

I've finally sobered up after tonight's "gathering". My family and some of the extended family came around my house, we had steaks for dinner and drank ourselves as though we were fish. It was great, despite not having any red wine (I prefer red to white).
        So, earlier in the day I tweeted that I had sent off an email enquiring a publishing house about any intern placements they have for next year and Barry Murphy replied:

"Where is said internship? I'm intrigued. You putting University on hold?"

Yes. And no? I'm not really sure. My choices are something along the lines of either taking an internship next year, whilst boosting my grades and perhaps even taking a new A-level to get into a better university; or going this year to a lower standard university but then saving a year. When I say lower standard, I don't mean low standard. It's a great uni and the course there is brilliant, but I just think that I can do more. I know I can do more. The internship building itself is somewhere in central London, I can't wait to pay for the commute.

Personally, as I type this, I don't feel ready for university. Is that possible? Should I be feeling this? Everyone else my age seems to be completely ready to go. I mean, I'm done with my sixth-form (college institution, whatever you want to call it) but that's for entirely different reasons.
I feel so... young. That's exactly what you want to be reading, right? You want to know about a struggling adventure of someone who knows exactly what is going to happen and knows their moves three steps ahead of their current one. Reality check.
I'm literally a virgin who can't drive, doesn't have a car, and has recently been rejected from my top two universities because I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life at 16.

Life, eh?

I digress, I feel like this "third" or "gap" year could help me mature, get some experience under my belt, and show that I'm devoted to becoming a writer and completing a degree to a high standard for those higher universities.

So the clock ticks 2:21am as I type this on the 13th of April and I should probably be heading off to bed.

Oh. I almost forgot, the internship is for Fantasy & Sci-fi novels, I won't name them as I have no clue if I'm allowed and am slightly scared about if they don't want to be mentioned, etc., etc., you guys get my drift, right? Regardless, how perfect is that for me? Frightfully exciting stuff and I'm trying to stay positive and happy about everything because when I got sad about my rejections I felt so unmotivated. It was quite pathetic really, I practically did nothing all day; I s'pose you could count it as a miniature bout of depression, but I don't want to trivialise depression. Regardless of how many people say they're depressed because their boyfriend of two days dumped them, depression exists and it is more common and powerful than it generally seems.

I've started babbling again, haven't I? Forgive me, it's past my bedtime and I'm just extremely worried with... everything. Let's hope sleep remedies it a little.

Night night guys, and I hope life is treating you well.

Love always,