Friday, 13 April 2012


I've been looking at an empty page for the past half an hour or so and I really have no clue how to start this, so let's sum up the evening.

I've finally sobered up after tonight's "gathering". My family and some of the extended family came around my house, we had steaks for dinner and drank ourselves as though we were fish. It was great, despite not having any red wine (I prefer red to white).
        So, earlier in the day I tweeted that I had sent off an email enquiring a publishing house about any intern placements they have for next year and Barry Murphy replied:

"Where is said internship? I'm intrigued. You putting University on hold?"

Yes. And no? I'm not really sure. My choices are something along the lines of either taking an internship next year, whilst boosting my grades and perhaps even taking a new A-level to get into a better university; or going this year to a lower standard university but then saving a year. When I say lower standard, I don't mean low standard. It's a great uni and the course there is brilliant, but I just think that I can do more. I know I can do more. The internship building itself is somewhere in central London, I can't wait to pay for the commute.

Personally, as I type this, I don't feel ready for university. Is that possible? Should I be feeling this? Everyone else my age seems to be completely ready to go. I mean, I'm done with my sixth-form (college institution, whatever you want to call it) but that's for entirely different reasons.
I feel so... young. That's exactly what you want to be reading, right? You want to know about a struggling adventure of someone who knows exactly what is going to happen and knows their moves three steps ahead of their current one. Reality check.
I'm literally a virgin who can't drive, doesn't have a car, and has recently been rejected from my top two universities because I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life at 16.

Life, eh?

I digress, I feel like this "third" or "gap" year could help me mature, get some experience under my belt, and show that I'm devoted to becoming a writer and completing a degree to a high standard for those higher universities.

So the clock ticks 2:21am as I type this on the 13th of April and I should probably be heading off to bed.

Oh. I almost forgot, the internship is for Fantasy & Sci-fi novels, I won't name them as I have no clue if I'm allowed and am slightly scared about if they don't want to be mentioned, etc., etc., you guys get my drift, right? Regardless, how perfect is that for me? Frightfully exciting stuff and I'm trying to stay positive and happy about everything because when I got sad about my rejections I felt so unmotivated. It was quite pathetic really, I practically did nothing all day; I s'pose you could count it as a miniature bout of depression, but I don't want to trivialise depression. Regardless of how many people say they're depressed because their boyfriend of two days dumped them, depression exists and it is more common and powerful than it generally seems.

I've started babbling again, haven't I? Forgive me, it's past my bedtime and I'm just extremely worried with... everything. Let's hope sleep remedies it a little.

Night night guys, and I hope life is treating you well.

Love always,

Tuesday, 6 March 2012

Life Update.

Tuesday, 6th March.

           So the day is ending and I'm already feeling tired at 7:43pm. This is a good sign, a sign that (finally) my sleeping pattern is returning to normal. I spent the summer holidays being nocturnal and it's good that I've just recuperated as exam period is starting/time where I shall be solely focusing on my studies.

          Speaking of studies, I've just organised all my files. This gives me more motivation.
          Motivation. I've just received feedback from a university where I "did not reply to their correspondence". I mentioned this in my previous blog post, but I had in fact sent off my work 3 days prior to the deadline. I shall be calling the university up tomorrow in order to get this sorted out. I confess, my first reaction was complete shock; I did nothing. I read the letter a few times, no emotions flowing at all. Then I burst into tears and snot and sobbing and then called up my friend whom I thought knew most about university who you guys may know from my other blog: Ben.

         I find it unnerving how much influence he has over me because we've known each other for such a short time. Anyway, he told me to calm down, call them tomorrow and be direct about it and show them the evidence (I have printscreened evidence of dates). And that's exactly what I'll do.

         Apparently, all I do in these blog posts is moan about my life. Here are some happy things;
- I've come across a man (thanks to @Virini on Twitter) that talks about fantasy, magic, and how to build a good plot for novels involving them. Here are the links:

Brandon Sanderson's First Law:

Brandon Sanderson's Second Law:

       After exams, I shall finish any half-read books and read his works. His essays regarding fantasy & magic are written so eloquently and I love that we have read many of the same books (from R. Jordan's The Wheel Of Time, to G. R. R. Martin's A Song Of Ice And Fire). Furthermore on the books that he's read, he gives many examples from Tolkien to Rowling which I think helps a lot of new writers enter the genre of writing in fantasy which is a lot more difficult than it seems.
      Blablablabla nerd stuff, etc., etc., definitely give the links above a read, as I clearly agree with 90-95% of what is written there.

     And for those that have read it, I class myself as writing 'Hard Magic'. It's more engaging for the writer (and reader) and if I'm anything, I'm a self-indulgent writer. I write for me. If you'll like the books I write, it's not just because you like my style, it's because we have the same taste in (fantasy) literature. That being said, I would not shut myself away from 'Soft Magic' either, it seems rather whimsical but I'd like to write a short novel that includes fantasy features yet focuses on human interaction and mystery. Just like Sanderson, I do love mystery. Unlike Sanderson, I prefer mysticism over mystery. Sorry I'm not sorry.

That's all for now, talk to you lovelies soon. Tomorrow I have a Chemistry exam and I plan to ace it. It's 8:02pm. This took quite long to write, although I'm pretty sure I covered everything I wanted to. I hope your life is going well.

Love always,

Thursday, 1 March 2012

University Post.

Hey guys.
       So I've just finished a whole tub of "millionaire's strawberry cheesecake" icecream and the most accurate word to describe how I feel is "blobby". I feel like a blob. This is what my evening has become.

Right, so whilst eating the copious amounts of ice-cream I was editing my final draft of this English piece that I've just sent off. It was stressful.
The email was sent 03/02/2012. British dating: 3rd of February.
It said in the email that I had FOUR weeks to reply with a piece of work under 1,500 words.

Fine. 1,500 words. It's the 01/03/2012. I should be clear, right? Did they include the leap day? Did they mean American dating? I'm just worrying over it all and it's stressing me out.
Furthermore, towards the end of the email they said they would respond, by latest, at the end of February.

It's March. No response. Regardless of me not sending off my piece, there should be at least some communication right? UGH OK I'LL JUST SIT HERE NOT KNOWING ANYTHING THAT'S HAPPENING.

Hope your life is great. xoxo Gossip Drew.

P.S I tried to keep this short because it's basically me moaning.

P.P.S I'm applying for English Lit & Creative Writing (If you're interested)

P.P.P.S Applying at Nottingham, Hull, Royal Holloway, Aberystwyth, and Middlesex.

Love always,

Tuesday, 28 February 2012

First "blog" post.

I put blog in inverted commas because I regard blog as a sort of diary. Wherein previous entries I talk about points, I don't necessarily talk about what I did that day, or events that occurred. Get my drift?

Right, so, my day went a little something like...

I woke up at 5am(ish) because I've been ill for the past week and can't breathe properly through my nose. Awake at 5am, I started writing in the black journal about my dream. I like keeping a sort of dream diary, it's  a good source of fiction, fantasy, desires, and creativity.
Anyway, fast forward a few hours of doing menial tasks and I'm getting ready for school, putting on any clothes that I see in my wardrobe first (as usual, I don't dress up for school. I go out often, so I don't dress up much at all, really).

I get breakfast on the way to school, a double sausage and egg McMuffin because they're peng, and arrive very early, about 30minutes before class started.

English class has been getting better since the start of the year, I used to hate it as it was quite basic and things I could do on my own (which, if I could do on my own, I'd prefer doing it ON MY OWN. Know what I'm saying?) but now it's picking up, I'm learning things again. Speaking of learning, I'm going off on a tangent here, but I've been learning a hell of a lot from friends. Talking about a mutual book you've read, or just in general talking about literature with a friend really improves your whole ability in English.
I've just noticed that since talking to prior mentioned friend, my skill has improved. Drastically, actually. Perhaps not in my ability to write, but in my eloquence and clarity in what I'm trying to say. Naaaam sayin'? That physically pained me to type "Naaaam", it seemed so alien.

Anyway, a few English lessons got cancelled because my Teacher is in mourning after a family member of her's died. I hope she and her family are dealing OK, my condolences, Ma'am.

Yes, we call teachers at my school "Sir" and "Ma'am". It was weird at first, but it's a habit I can't (and don't want to) quite shake off now.

I came home and started cleaning up the house a bit, made myself a cuppa and started working on my English piece. Oh, also I edited my new (partnered!11!11) YouTube page and wrote a bit more of my book. My novel. Still unnamed. I feel as though the name must pop out and come to me, rather than I to it. That seems lazy and uninspiring, but I promise, it's really just a feeling you get. This paragraph was tenuously linked together but I want this blog to be like a stream of consciousness. A thought process that never really ends, that links into each post like each new thread in a giant blanket.

TTFN, betches.

Love always,

A reply about sex, one-night-stands, and relationships.

This is a reply to Ben ( who had made a text post on sex, relationships, and their different combinations. You can see the original post here:

I must note as a prerequisite that every opinion in this post is mine and mine alone. You may feel as though some points I make may be judgemental. If so, that’s your interpretation of what I’ve said and I highly encourage discussion on controversial topics where it is not regards to my opinion.

Ben, I see your first statement where the post actually “begins” with regards to the topic is “I have never had casual sex and I don’t plan to” yet you continue on to an exception of “right atmosphere, the right level of intoxication and the right man” which, personally, seems a very contradicting and fickle way to start a statement about love and relationships. Just sayin’.

But that’s not what I’m here for. I’m not here to change your opinion or alter the way you think about love and relationships because that’s your opinion, and this is mine: 

Previously mentioned is that under the influence of alcohol it is possible for you to have casual sex and I find that, although untrue in many cases, alcohol is a “harbinger of truth” and “brings out the truth in people”. That’s just some food for thought though.

Although lacking in personal experience, I’ve (somehow) accumulated a theory in that in the act of sex people attempt to make a connection (or “shared experience” as you say). I feel as though you’ve clean-cut and segmented two different types of sexual encounters without taking into account the grey area between the two.
 I digress, to each scenario there is a different “kind of sex” and trying to categorise them is as fruitless as trying to categorise sexuality (which is currently in execution with society today).

Furthermore, I just want to state that in many cases from secondary sources (friends) that bonds and relationships that you mention in the “second kind of sex” can be made (un)intentionally from the “first kind of sex”. I find this intriguing as, yet again; this complicates things as it is, yet again, not one or the other and not even a spectrum but a spectrum that is constantly changing.

You carry on to random scenarios of heterosexual couples (which is, by the way, irrelevant as love & relationships know no sexuality). I feel as though everyone nowadays is indoctrinated in a sense that they need to find “true love”/life partners as soon as possible as the unconditional love films usurp the media in every possible sense and as films such as “40 Year Old Virgin” circulate the comedy section too. People don’t want to be alone and are taught to want to find somebody from a very young age. As I make this statement I see ridiculous (yet  true) examples pop into my head.

The fact that they get together and move along so quickly is that they take chances. They take chances in that they want to create the ‘true love’ connection from sex.
 An attempt to understand their thought process is as follows; 
“Fine, my previous partner wasn’t the one for me and we broke up, but I best keep trying before I die alone.”

Try to see my point as to why people circulate so easily, especially in people’s teen years when they are so impressionable from media and other sources.

I conclude my opinion as follows: sex can be a creator of a connection or it can strengthen a connection, the frequency of someone’s (anyone’s) partners is due to society, and sex cannot be categorised for the endless scenarios and situations that could occur.

However I’m like 12 years old and have never had sex. Loltxtit you basically just read a load of bullshit. xo Gossip Drew

Thoughts about videos, compliments, and content.

So, today being Friday, Brandon uploaded a video (which I'm sure you all know of) on AGayADay.

Its current top comment is as follows:
 ”Thumbs up if you ONLY watch these videos because Brandon is HOT!” with 73 thumbs up.

This annoys me to no end and all I want to do is yell many incoherent phrases at the people who;
a) make comments like these
b) thumb it up

Let’s go back to the comment which, sadly, is said in a variety of forms very frequently. So, by capitalising “ONLY” in the comment, I see that you’ve made it very clear you’ve basically just ignored everything that was said in the video. Good job. Additionally, the 73 other people that agree and thumbed it up basically reinforce the statement, making it very clear that as it’s the most liked comment, it’s a large portion of Brandon’s viewers that agree.
As I receive similar comments, I just think “HEY, WHY DON’T WE JUST TURN ON OUR CAMERAS AND STARE AT THE LENS FOR 2 MINUTES THEN, EH?!”.

As much as there’s a general view that “Oh, Brandon never properly does a theme.” or “Oh, you could’ve put more time into this.”- videos generally take a very long time to plan, make, and finally edit. Even if the planning is just premeditation, or the making is rushed and the editing isn’t at its finest; it takes time. Frankly, I’m insulted when I receive comments like these, and sympathise towards Brandon as I know he receives a lot of these comments too.

Sometimes I think a lot of people don’t understand that as content-creators, we make videos to say something. As endearing as compliments are, comments previously mentioned really anger me to the point of losing motivation in videos.

Why bother?

Also, I wanted to touch upon the notion of “attraction gets popularity” (or however you want to phrase it). A month or so ago my friend and I were generally searching through YouTube and we would compare vloggers on their content.
We came across two vloggers that both did almost identical videos (which just happened to be coming out videos, how to be comfortable with your sexuality, etc., etc.) but one was vastly more sexually attractive than the other and (obviously) had more subscribers.

Look at the scenario I just described and understand how vexatious it is.

Once more, I’ll reiterate, content-creators makes videos to say something, not to be told by viewers that they only watch because you’re cute/hot/want to “spunk” in your eyebrows.

Did I miss anything?

However, I’m not going to leave on a negative note. I want to thank everyone who comments; about content and… sure, about if my hair looks cute that day. I also especially like it when people find my videos funny and it brightens their day or when people want to start a conversation based on videos’ topics.

Love always,

P.S Yet again, sorry if you read all of this.

Thoughts on life and death.

So I met up with a friend today and before you say anything, yes, I have friends (but not really, he hates me and probably thinks I’m an idiot because I pause a lot in between speech because I’m thinking).
Anyway, the reason we had met up was because he gave me back my copy of ‘The Fault In Our Stars’, which, if you’ve read it, predominantly contains themes of life and death. Conversation flowed and we found ourselves talking upon the purpose of life.
His most apparent answer was “The purpose of life is to find the purpose to life, or to living.” I found this rather poignant, and left a mental note to entertain the thought later on.
Fast forward an hour or so, I had a long travel home, which left me with plenty of time to think.
So I tried to narrow the purpose of life in categories (I know this seems absolutely ridiculous, but hear me out).

In the categories, you may be more than one, or you may be none (which is shown by Hazel Grace in ‘TFIOS’, where she is nihilistic to the point of doing only simple repetitive tasks and regards herself as a metaphorical “grenade”. Although this is totally contradictory, as Hazel Grace may been seen as to be living a recreational life, I don’t feel she does it for fun.).

So, the categories are:

Procreational, recreational,  ”creational”, and “alterational”. (obviously, I put the words I made up in quotation marks as I wanted the suffixes to be consistent)

To elaborate;

Procreational - To have kids (not necessarily biological), a different type of “creational”; but popular, thus deserving its own category.
Recreational - To have fun, simply put.
“Creational”* - To make something. To leave a legacy for others.
“Alterational” - To change something, anything. An example would be living as a politician to allow people to live better lives.
*This is where I mostly place myself, as I want to be an author, I wish to create something that will live longer than my tangible existence allows. I wish to live longer than others, in the form of words; as pretentious as that sounds. I want to offer anyone, anybody at all, something. Anything.
To conclude, I previously mentioned that my friend’s answer was “poignant”.
“Poignant?” You may ask? Yes, poignant. 
To define poignant;
1. Evoking a keen sense of sadness or regret: “a poignant reminder”.
 A keen sense of sadness.

His answer was to find a purpose, as though it were not (and should not be) very easy to know why you live. Shouldn’t it be clear and easy? Shouldn’teveryone know? 
 - I’m going off on a tangent here, but if it were clear,  do you think the general populace would be less, for lack of better words, fucking depressed? 
With the restrictions of society and many, many other factors, a clear path to obtain a sense of content and eudaimonia leaves people perplexed, not knowing which direction is the right way or the quickest. (I say quickest not in the way of “quick is easy” or a path of cheating, but just generally faster)
Another response he gave as an example was “Oh, I’ll keep working and keep living in hopes that I will meet someone who may be the love of my life.”

As if it were chance. 
Chance, that you may or may not meet the love of your life. 
How very poignant indeed.**
**I am very sorry if you read all of this. 

A blog, eh?

I feel like I should be putting a really interesting first post about everything in the world and the meaning to life, but I feel like this needs a rather boring introduction. An assessment of pieces to the puzzle, the start of the thread that shall lead into a more complex blanket.

So, this is a blog where I shall be writing things which I don't deem funny (or interesting enough) to post about on my other social networks. For example, I think Tumblr is a place for light hearted fun, YouTube a place to keep points that can relate to many people, and Twitter... well, concise.

I may make videos on my YouTube (which I regard my primary presence on the internet) from these posts if the feedback is good or that I deem it worthy. Think of some posts as a script, of sorts.

That's it, really. I shall be trying to actually "blog" as I find myself wanting to write down what's happening in my life and how things have changed in a short span of time. I'll go into detail about it later.

Goodbye for now.

Love always,